I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
