I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
