I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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