I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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