mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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