she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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