He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
