i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
