do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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