Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
