Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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