my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
false alarm. still invincible.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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