We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
