i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
