My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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