Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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