so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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