dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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