I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
