I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
