This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
