Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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