Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
