I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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