note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
