found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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