PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
