you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Are we still banned from the library?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
