All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
