I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Success! We fucked roommates!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
