THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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