Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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