nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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