Plan B is the new Plan A
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
