i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
