Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
