Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
