Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
