Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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