a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
