I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
