If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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