that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just want to make out with him forever
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
