So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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