honey bunches of taint.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
