My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
