Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
