He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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