why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
