I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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