the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
