Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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