Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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