Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
