Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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