On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
