your thong is hanging out like whoa
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
