Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
