I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize