According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Text me some of your sweat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
