The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
