My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
