First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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