Whod you bang
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
